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Demands for Easter Bunny

I have a kind of a serious question, which I know is hard to believe coming from me, and in fact this is probably not really one of those Big Important Questions that everyone should be asking themselves — like, “It’s 10 o’clock, do you know where your children are?” and “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?” — but this is definitely one of those intellectual exercises that keeps me up on those rare midnights when I am not already awake because I can hear the cat barfing in the laundry again.

How come we make lists for Santa Claus but not for the Easter Bunny?

Look, I said this wasn’t a Big Important Question, not to most people, but to me, this is kind of a big deal, because how else can I make sure that I get the stuff I really want for Easter, the stuff that I am generally too cheap or ashamed to buy for myself? Do you think those smutty romance novels with the flowing hair and the horses and the prairies and the heaving bosoms on the covers are going to buy themselves? Do you think that the DVD of the complete series of “Daria” is going to put itself in my cart and magically get hold of my credit card? Do you think I want to buy those rabbit socks with the carrot pom-poms on the back for myself like I am some kind of tragic spinster cat lady?

And here’s the most crucial part: if I am not completely explicit in my list of demands, how can I ensure that I am going to get the right kinds of candy? I am really very particular about my Easter candy.

Easter is really one of those “minor” gift-giving occasions — we get little presents for our daughter, of course, just like we got small gifts ourselves when we were kids. However, Easter is really nothing like your birthday, and it’s in a whole different galaxy from the mother lode, Christmas. The gifts at Easter are really more like afterthoughts, extra stuff that fills the empty spaces in your basket between the things that really matter: small bills and loose change stuffed into plastic eggs and 25,000 calories worth of delicious, delicious candy.

Man oh man, Easter candy is really exciting, isn’t it? I love Easter candy more than just about anything else on Earth. It’s all the colors, I think — where the winter holidays are all about being warm and comfortable, Easter is all about springtime and all the life and excitement and joy that comes with it. The happy neons of jelly beans and Peeps. The creamy pastels of coconut and buttercream filling inside dark chocolate eggs. The totally unnatural colors that come out of the cat after she’s spent the better part of three days gorging on a smorgasbord of plastic grass.

When you’re a child, Easter morning is like you’ve spent months and months in darkness, virtually your entire life in kid years, and then one day you wake up and all the world is suddenly sweetness and light and shaped like chocolate rabbits. Or, in my case, like Cadbury creme eggs.

Lots and lots of sweet, delicious Cadbury creme eggs. Which I really hope the Easter Bunny brings me. Or else he might be sleeping on the couch.

Also: I only like the yellow or purple Peeps. The other kinds all taste funny.

And if he brings me licorice-flavored jelly beans, I am feeding them to the cats, and we all know no good can come from that.

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]


[author_info]About the Author

Rachel Gonzales (aka “rockle”) is a regular Lifestyle contributor. She is the actual child in her profile picture, which was taken in 1976, so it probably goes without saying that mistakes were made. You can read more of her here on Prime Parents Club, or on her blog, rockle-riffic. [/author_info][/author]

I am 4' 11½" tall -- my entire life is short. Also loud and crazy. Prime Parents' Club General Contributor.


  1. Prime Parents' Club

    April 9, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    HAHAHAHAA at “I always felt kind of sacrigious eating that thing.”

    It’s very religious for us too…however, we still like candy AND the Easter Bunny. :)

    • rockle

      April 9, 2011 at 8:51 pm

      i’m still trying to figure out how a “keg hunt” fits into the whole “He is risen” thing … but i’m not entirely sure i care. #iamabadperson

  2. Crystal

    April 8, 2011 at 11:32 am

    I have been coveting that Daria DVD set for a long time now…

    I grew up in a very fundamentalist Baptist household, so we didn’t do the Easter Bunny or Santa. Every year I would get some kind of religious-themed gift, and a chocolate cross. I always felt kind of sacrigious eating that thing.

    We try to do a balance with our kids. Easter is still a religious holiday for us, but we stock up on candy too. My favorite development in the Easter candy world are these new jellybeans that are flavored like popular candy – Starburst jelly beans, Sour Patch Kids jelly beans, Sweetarts jelly beans. I’m getting a cavity just thinking about it.

    • rockle

      April 8, 2011 at 11:41 am


      we never got easter crosses, which is pretty funny because i grew up catholic and i thought we kind of cornered the market on that stuff. i think that was my grandmothers — they would NEVER eat a chocolate cross.

      i have not seen the starburst or sweetarts jelly beans, but i bet i would LOVE them. we always used to get a jelly belly variety pack from a relative to share and my favorites were always blueberry and lime.

      buttered popcorn jellybeans are an abomination unto the Lord … and also extremely addictive when you are in the right (or perhaps wrong) frame of mind.

  3. TVTalkTina

    April 8, 2011 at 9:37 am

    You know the Easter Bunny gets kind of Jipped too. We ALWAYS go visit Santa but the fact simply is….We’ve NEVER gone to see the Easter Bunny so in our house we don’t get to put requests in he gets all of the extreme coupons and coupon shops for our household. We dye eggs, but. Only because I like boiled eggs for my dieting. We suck!

    • rockle

      April 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

      we haven’t gone to see the easter bunny at the mall or anything, because i think he’s kind of creepy. i had a mall bunny once who kind of looked like the rabbit in “donnie darko.” highly traumatic.

      and talk about extreme couponing — our little might be getting leftover valentine’s candy in her easter basket, because there is JUST SO MUCH LEFT. why buy more when i haven’t let her eat the first batch yet?

      i better get new creme eggs though, or i will LOSE IT.

  4. Elizabeth

    April 7, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    Cadbury Creme eggs are my downfall. Charlie last year decided he was going to write a letter to the Easter Bunny to tell him what he wanted for Easter. There was no talking him out of it!

    Also, Hubby tells me that when he was little there was a grown up Easter Egg Hunt at Gummy’s house in addition to the kids’ egg hunt. The adults hunted in the front yard for the tiny bottles of alcohol (like the airplane ones) and eggs with money. Kids in the back got the eggs with candy and money.

    Here’s the link to my blog post – The Easter Bunny Does Not Take Requests –

    • rockle

      April 7, 2011 at 10:10 pm

      another family that does an egg hunt AND a “keg hunt” — HOLLA! we “hide” cans of beer right in the middle of my aunt’s lawn. IT. IS. AWESOME.

      i wish i could send everybody in the world a zitner’s butter krak egg this easter. they are totally life-changing. and they’re mine, ALL MINE, because my husband doesn’t like dark chocolate or coconut or basically anything that tastes good.

  5. Jacqueline Wilson

    April 7, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    PS-My husband loves those yucky black jelly beans. The EB used to bring him a whole bag for Easter. :ox

    • rockle

      April 7, 2011 at 9:07 pm

      he can have them. more neon-colored ones for me then.

  6. Jacqueline Wilson

    April 7, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Damn. I love those bunny socks with carrot pom-poms…

    • rockle

      April 7, 2011 at 9:06 pm

      oh, i like them too, but i don’t want to buy them for MYSELF. people will TALK.

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