I have a kind of a serious question, which I know is hard to believe coming from me, and in fact this is probably not really one of those Big Important Questions that everyone should be asking themselves — like, “It’s 10 o’clock, do you know where your children are?” and “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?” — but this is definitely one of those intellectual exercises that keeps me up on those rare midnights when I am not already awake because I can hear the cat barfing in the laundry again.
How come we make lists for Santa Claus but not for the Easter Bunny?
Look, I said this wasn’t a Big Important Question, not to most people, but to me, this is kind of a big deal, because how else can I make sure that I get the stuff I really want for Easter, the stuff that I am generally too cheap or ashamed to buy for myself? Do you think those smutty romance novels with the flowing hair and the horses and the prairies and the heaving bosoms on the covers are going to buy themselves? Do you think that the DVD of the complete series of “Daria” is going to put itself in my cart and magically get hold of my credit card? Do you think I want to buy those rabbit socks with the carrot pom-poms on the back for myself like I am some kind of tragic spinster cat lady?
And here’s the most crucial part: if I am not completely explicit in my list of demands, how can I ensure that I am going to get the right kinds of candy? I am really very particular about my Easter candy.
Easter is really one of those “minor” gift-giving occasions — we get little presents for our daughter, of course, just like we got small gifts ourselves when we were kids. However, Easter is really nothing like your birthday, and it’s in a whole different galaxy from the mother lode, Christmas. The gifts at Easter are really more like afterthoughts, extra stuff that fills the empty spaces in your basket between the things that really matter: small bills and loose change stuffed into plastic eggs and 25,000 calories worth of delicious, delicious candy.
Man oh man, Easter candy is really exciting, isn’t it? I love Easter candy more than just about anything else on Earth. It’s all the colors, I think — where the winter holidays are all about being warm and comfortable, Easter is all about springtime and all the life and excitement and joy that comes with it. The happy neons of jelly beans and Peeps. The creamy pastels of coconut and buttercream filling inside dark chocolate eggs. The totally unnatural colors that come out of the cat after she’s spent the better part of three days gorging on a smorgasbord of plastic grass.
When you’re a child, Easter morning is like you’ve spent months and months in darkness, virtually your entire life in kid years, and then one day you wake up and all the world is suddenly sweetness and light and shaped like chocolate rabbits. Or, in my case, like Cadbury creme eggs.
Lots and lots of sweet, delicious Cadbury creme eggs. Which I really hope the Easter Bunny brings me. Or else he might be sleeping on the couch.
Also: I only like the yellow or purple Peeps. The other kinds all taste funny.
And if he brings me licorice-flavored jelly beans, I am feeding them to the cats, and we all know no good can come from that.
[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://primeparentsclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/rachelage2-a.jpg
[author_info]About the Author
Rachel Gonzales (aka “rockle”) is a PrimeParentsClub.com regular Lifestyle contributor. She is the actual child in her profile picture, which was taken in 1976, so it probably goes without saying that mistakes were made. You can read more of her here on Prime Parents Club, or on her blog, rockle-riffic. [/author_info][/author]