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Brothers and Sisters | Connecting as Adults

Through the years, I’ve never felt like I was the big brother I should be to my sister.  I always judged her the harshest, treating her more harshly than anyone else. 

Our mom, who passed away in 1998, was the glue that kept our family together.  I can’t help but feel that she’s still been there for us, making sure that no matter how heated my arguing with my sis got, we would be always be there for each other.  We’ve never had great face-to-face conversations, but with technology, it’s given me more of a voice in our relationship via e-mail or by posting videos or blog entries.  (Much better than our big shouting matches in the past.) 

When I got an e-mail from her with the subject line, “Needed some brotherly anything,” I was like, “Uh oh.”  The day before, she had just given me the news that she was three months pregnant.  Now what?

I opened the e-mail:

Hey Bro,

I’m scared.  Don’t know why I need to share this with you but I’m super emotional and I need my big brother.

I’m sure the test results were a false alarm and we’ll know for sure after the amnio but it’s the month long wait that’s torture.  I’m super scared and trying to stay positive.  They test for Down Syndrome for everyone that’s older than 35 so it’s not like this is uncommon.  It’s just that not everyone gets a letter to them that says that they are higher risk after their sonogram.

Please say some prayers for us. 

Love,

Your lil sister

At first, I had no idea how to respond.  What could I say?  I felt by just telling her that everything would be okay and not to worry wouldn’t be helpful.  Plus, it didn’t feel natural coming from me to tell her that.  I decided to just hit reply and start typing. 

Hey,

Welcome to parenthood.  There are no guarantees for anything so lying to you and promising something I can’t wouldn’t be helpful.  As a parent, you have to be prepared for anything and everything and accept what is dealt to you.

Being super emotional is neither good for you nor your baby, so my best advice is for you to take care of yourself.  Being scared is normal. Who wouldn’t be?  You need to eat healthy and do exercise and stay away from negative thoughts.  Get some POSITIVE parenting books, not the ones that scare your pants off even more.  You told me you were wondering how MJ turned out great.  Part of that was Shien and me doing lots of preparation and homework.  That’s what you should be focused on.  Think about how you will care for the baby and what you need to do as a mother to get prepared and what your partner needs to do as a father.  You guys need to keep communicating with each other.

Just sitting around and worrying is the worst thing you can do, so your big bro says to get up off your butt and get moving! ;)  Be as proactive and positive as you can.

Both of you should plan for a vacation NOW, because once the baby is here, you two will have a LOT LOT less alone time for YEARS.

Hang in there.

Love,

Your Big Brother

Her response?

Thanks Bro.  It really helped.  I wasn’t even sure if you’d respond because I did kinda’ pose a difficult one but I’m glad you did and this is terrific advice.

You’re the best!

I LOVE YOU BRO (Uncle to be)!!!

Always,

Your little sister

I hope our mom is smiling from above…


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[author_info]About the Author

Guest writer Renny Fong has been an educator for over 15 years, teaching pre-kindergarten through fifth grade.  His wife and his four-year-old son are his biggest joy and inspiration.  He started his blog, www.timeoutdad.com, in September 2009 and has been a contributor to www.bookdads.com and www.ricedaddies.com since 2010.

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This post was written by a guest writer for Prime Parents Club. We are not currently taking new guest writers.

5 Comments

  1. Christin

    May 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Awesome, gave me tears!

    • Renny

      May 23, 2011 at 11:18 am

      Thanks so much, Christin.

  2. Margaret

    May 13, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Aww…I’m all weepy reading this. I’m guessing your mom is smiling down on you both right now. Good for you for telling your sis like it is, instead of what ‘sounds nice’.

    • Renny

      May 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Margaret!

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