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Independence Day, Stepmom Style

I love July 4th–a day to celebrate the birth of American Independence. I love the red, white and blue, the fireworks, the celebrations and especially the focus on independence.

Yes, as a stepmom, I love the idea of independence and celebrating breaking free from control of “foreign” forces. As you know, when a woman says “I do” to a man with children she also says “I do” to many other people.  I inherited stepkids, an ex-wife, new in-laws, old out-laws and family and friends while standing on the altar four years ago. While I gained lots of new relationships, the reality is that I didn’t have any control over what they thought of me and what they said to my face or behind my back.

But I did have control over whether I allowed it to define me. And, that is still true today.

I made a decision long before I became a stepmom (actually during my divorce) that no matter what anyone said about me or did to me that I would not allow it to change who I was or how I acted towards them. Refraining from mud slinging when dirt and lies were thrown at me wasn’t always easy, but knowing that I didn’t allow others to control me or redefine my personality helped me stand strong.

Do you have any feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger, or negativity that are holding you back right now? Consider letting go and declaring your independence from how those issues control you. 

Remember, “he who angers you, controls you” (Anonymous). 

Don’t give anyone control over your emotions but yourself. Sure, you may be on an emotional roller coaster some days, but only you should control the ride.

Enjoy your Fourth. Soak in the parades, barbecues with family and friends, the apple pie and fireworks shows. And, here’s to hoping the only fireworks you see this weekend are in the sky! 

Celebrate your Independence Day!


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[author_info]About the Author

Heather is the Prime Parents’ Club regular parenting and stepparenting contributor. She keeps busy as the Founder of CafeSmom, an online resource for stepmothers, where her passion is to inform, encourage, support and connect stepmoms. She is a married mom of six–four biological children and two stepchildren. Read more of her here on Prime Parents Club, or on CafeSmom. [/author_info]

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Heather Hetchler is the mom of four and custodial stepmom of two whose passion is to help stepmoms thrive in their role as the heart of their blended family. She is the Founder of www.CafeSmom.com where she brings positive resources, inspiration, and support to stepmothers. Her blog was named as one of the Top10 blogs for Remarrieds in 2010 by Remarriage Magazine. As a part of CafeSmom, Heather has an Eshop where she offers products made exclusively for stepmoms. As a StepMom Encourager and Coach, she uses her education, professional experience and life lessons on her mission to help stepmothers define their own positive path and to connect stepmoms, helping them feel empowered and remove feelings of isolation. Heather is the host of the StepMom Connection on www.MomTv.com. She is a contributing writer for StepMom Magazine. She is the co-author of Thriving at the Holidays: A Stepparent's Guide to Success, Unwrapping the Gift of Stepfamily Peace. Available on Amazon, B&N, Itunes. Check out the book's site www.StepparentingSuccess.com. She resides in Cleveland with her husband and family.