Parenting Confessions | I Love You, But I Don’t Like You Right Now
You may have heard someone say (or perhaps you’ve said yourself), “We thought about having another baby, but then we thought about all the dirty diapers and the late night feedings, and we decided we didn’t want to do that again.” I understand this feeling completely. Life with a newborn is no joke. I can see why many parents have no desire to repeat those months again, especially if they’ve done it a few times already.
However, I would take two years of babyhood if I could just hit the fast forward button on my son’s toddler years. My sweet, adorable baby boy has turned into a holy terror. He slaps, pinches, and pushes around his older brother on a daily (hourly) basis. His current favorite activities include throwing the dog’s water bowl across the kitchen, sticking toys in the toilet, and trying to climb into the oven while it is turned on. And who is the only person he wants to be with? Me. All the time. He’s clinging to my legs while I’m cooking dinner. He’s trying to rip the curling iron from my hands when I’m getting ready for work. He’s trying to climb into my lap while I’m using the restroom. I have a 25 pound blond parasite that I can’t seem to get rid of long enough to eat a warm dinner or heed nature’s call in peace.
Once upon a time, the time between 6:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. were considered “mommy time” in our house. Everyone else was asleep, and I had that hour to do whatever I wanted. I could read, blog, catch up on television, whatever I felt like for those precious 60 minutes. Well, guess who figured out when my alone time was? No matter what time I put him to bed, my son wakes promptly at 6:05 a.m. so he can have me all to himself. It’s very sweet that he wants alone time with his mommy, but that means mommy’s alone time is all over. As soon as he’s up, I’m changing diapers, filling up sippy cups, and watching Sesame Street.
I love my son. I love him with all of my heart. I just don’t really like him much right now. I know that probably makes me a horrible mom, but he just isn’t a very likable person right now. He’s always grumpy, unless he’s inflicting pain on his brother or trashing the living room. And I’m always grumpy because I never get a break.
I know it’s just a season, and that one day it will pass. I remember when he was just a little baby, and it was his big brother who was driving me crazy with toddler tantrums. And yes, a year from now I will be looking at a big boy and wondering where my chunky little toddler went. But right now? It’s hard. Still I know there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. One day, I will both like and love my son again.
And then he’ll become a teenager….