Is Giving Birth Over 40 Unethical and Selfish?
The number of women giving birth in their late 30s and early 40s is on the rise–from movie stars to moms next door, it seems like older moms are everywhere. However, there has been a buzz around in the past few months calling older moms “selfish” and giving birth after 40 “unethical.”
Dr. Barry Walters, an Australian obstetrician, stated in an interview with The West in 2011, “it was selfish and self-centred of older women to have babies because they were likely to be elderly and infirm [sic] when their children were in their teens and early 20s.”
Some are also saying that waiting until after 40 to give birth may even be unethical due to increase in birth defects. However, according to a post on League of Ordinary Gentlemen, although the chances of children born with defects and disabilities increase with moms over 40, they are still rare.
“Women in general have a 97-98% chance of having a child without a birth defect. About chromosomal abnormalities: a 40-year-old woman has a 98.5% chance of having a baby with no chromosomal abnormalities. A 45-year-old has a 95.2% chance of having a baby with no chromosomal abnormalities.”
Andrea O’Reilly, an associate professor of Women’s Studies at York University, told ParentCentral.ca, “‘Selfish’ is the criticism often leveled against older mothers. It’s assumed that the mother won’t be around to perform the necessary duties that, today, last well beyond 18.”
What do you think? Is having a baby after 40 selfish, unethical, or both?
Category: Over 40
About the Author (Author Profile)
Jacqueline Wilson is a prime parent, wife, published author and freelance writer. She writes here, on Prime Parents’ Club, and on her observational parenting humor blog, WritRams.com: Writer Ramblings on Parenting Imperfectly. Follow her on Twitter as @WritRams and on her Facebook page. She recently wrote an e-Book on the REAL truth about how blogs make money. She recently started Project Purse Club, a support and networking group dedicated to changing the way women treat each other in business and blogging.Subscribe
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To call a person selfish without knowing her story is judgmental. To call a person selfish while knowing her story is judgmental. I’m tired of this alleged mommy war and how it pits choice against choice, person against person in highly personal situations. How about people just have babies when you want to have babies? ! I assume my 40 year old, expecting sister knew exactly what she was doing when she and her second husband decided to create a life together. What is selfish about that? And even if it is, how is that any of hat my business?
I’m not quite sure I see this as a “mommy war” issue as it goes far beyond just mom vs. mom. I was SHOCKED that there was a doctor out there (and many others, I’m sure) saying things like, “selfish and self-centered of older women to have babies.” I mean, WTH?!?
/jackie
You know, there are some philosophers who think that judging another person’s ethics is inherently unethical. So, basically, Dr. Barry Walters can go jump in a lake.
I agree with Jen. Each family needs to evaluate their situation for themselves and make their plans for having a family accordingly. There are many biblical examples of “older women” being blessed with children who were a true grift from God and a fulfillment of His plan. Each child is unique with a plan and a purpose just b/c someone else may not know or understand that purpose does not mean that child should not be conceived…regardless of the parents age.
Doctors and other “people” need to mind their own business and keep their “selfish” opinions to themselves.
You might as well call ALL women who decide to have children “selfish.” Think about it… you could become the victim of a fatal car accident, leaving your young children motherless… your children’s father could decide to leave… you could develop cancer… you could become infirm… If we based our life decisions on what “could” happen, we’d never do anything.
I think doctors who publicly share professional opinions that are not based on the health and well-being of their patients or women in general, but on personal, unsubstantiated biases are unethical and selfish.
Moms having babies over 40…not selfish nor unethical.
I although I would never judge a woman (or anyone really) I was a child of “older” parents. My mom and dad were active in coaching, and attending everything, but I would be lieing if I didn’t say it affected me. I was jealous of the kids who parents were young enough to be out biking with them and skating with them, taking them to the pool. My Mom’s friends all had grown kids not kids my age. Their parents didn’t have to take their teeth out to wash them. It was a different expereince. When I didn’t become a parent in my 20′s I Dug in to be the best Aunt I could. Then GOd had other plans. It is a different time I realize but I now work to make sure my kids have a different experience.
“It’s assumed that the mother won’t be around to perform the necessary duties that, today, last well beyond 18.””
What do these people think? That the average lifespan is only 65? (Assuming a woman gave birth at 45.) Mind your own business.
I am 42 year old mother of a beautiful (high functioning) 2 year old and hope to bring another child into our family soon. My question is, am I selfish for completing a higher education to provide for myself and my family? For waiting for the right loving man to marry and father my children? For have had established stability and knowledge well beyond the years of a woman in her 20′s and 30′s? Am I selfish for loving my daughter completely and for knowing that I could not have provided for her what I can today ten years ago?
If we are going to talk about selfishness, what about those woman who are having children for their own personal gain? For instance, more welfare money, sabotage for marriage and money or because they were irresponsible and had sex with a random boy at sixteen or where high, then to then raise that child. That is where the element of selfishness and self centeredness lie. This also goes for those men who think they never age and marry women who are half their age and bringing children into this world.
I MAY not be riding around on bikes with my daughter in twenty years but I can promise all who read this, I can love as equally and play with the best of them. Bless all mothers, particularly those who have brought children into a stable and loving home. 40+ or not!
So, is this doc/ article drawing the conclusion that most women won’t live past 60 or that parents need to ‘provide’ for a child into his/her 40′s?
I’m 45 and will be delivering my first child in December. This was a surprise baby, gift from God, creator of life. If I were selfish I would chosen not to have this baby.
Life is a gift and very precious, not to be taken for granted. God bless all mothers no matter their age. No one knows how much time we have on this earth. Do all you can to live a happy and fulfilling life in a positive way, including becoming a mom whenever you choose and it is right for you.
In my opinion it takes a very unprofessional doctor to state we who want to be moms are selfish. He should keep his opinion to himself.
Thankfully, I am not his patient!
This was an awesome comment. Congrats on your surprise blessing. We had one of those when I was 39. It ends up being amazing, right? /jackie
44.5 (Surprised) Pregancy # 5 (unfortunately miscarried 2x before DS was born. Overwhelmed. Happy. Concerned about miscarriage. Not telling anyone the great news because of judgmentalism. Truly a shame not to be able to share what is really God’s greatest blessings. Fully expect to be riding bikes, swimming, maybe even running 20 years from now!!! If not, I might as well be in the grave. Only concern about age is health complications during pregnancy, and possibility that I’ll miss meeting one of my grandchildren in this life. As for my soon to be three children, I would expect to be around at least until they’re my age now… and, fostering their relationships!
CONGRATS Lori! I think in today’s age (no pun intended) giving birth in your 40s is much more “accepted.” I’ll be 44 in January and have a 4 year old. I really don’t care what others think anymore. LOL.
Many blessings with your pregnancy! :) (PS–mine was SURPRISE too!) /jackie
I have two friends, one who had her children in her teens, the other in her forties. I can’t say one is a better parent than the other. They just had different life situations. Not all late pregnancies are planned either…something else to consider.