A while back I got a call from a television producer who follows my sites and my social media accounts. She said that she was working on a new reality series that spotlighted families. She went on to say that they are really looking for “Type A” parents who “do it all” and after following me for a while she thinks that I would be a really good fit for the show and she would like to talk to meet with me to discuss it further.
“No one needs this much reality. Trust me.”
I went on with my life and never thought much about it until I saw the new show, “Extreme Guide to Parenting” on Bravo. Although she never told me the name of the show and the network, I know it was this show (just from some other things she discussed with me). The premise of the show is to spotlight parents who are extreme–who parent in ways that are considered weird or off-the-wall.
I’ll admit, I’m a sucker for crappy reality TV and to quote Miranda from “Sex and the City,” “I love it. It’s my thing. Let it go.” However, last night’s episode of “Extreme Guide to Parenting” left me texting my fellow reality loving friends IN ALL CAPS WITH THINGS LIKE OMGWTF every three seconds.
In each episode, they usually have two different families that they are following. I’ll skip over the mom who was using Jedi mind tricks to “hypnotize” her husband and kids multiple times throughout the day and go straight to the “feminist fetish pornographer” Madison and her poor little two year old.
And the fetish pornographer part wasn’t even the worst of it.
Look, I don’t really care what she does as a profession (or what she prefers in personal sexual life). I just don’t. However, Madison was so concerned about shouting from the rooftop about her alternative lifestyle that it just came across as defensive shock value TV, especially in relation to her two year old daughter.
Madison teaches her two year old daughter the correct terms for her body parts. OK. I’m down with that. However, Madison also fills her day talking to her two year old non-stop about sex. And sexuality. And sexual toys.
In one scene, the kid is in mom’s fetish/sex trunk and is pulling out the mom’s vibrators. Madison the mom laughs when the kid puts it up to her ear and asks if it’s a phone. All I could think is, “I hope she washed that thing.” (Because, really? IN WHAT WORLD IS IT OK FOR A TWO YEAR OLD TO PLAY WITH A VIBRATOR?)
In another scene, a mom and a kid have a play date at Madison’s house. As the two moms (who supposedly didn’t know each other but were on a play date set up by Madison’s husband) made introductory small talk as the other mom stares around the room at Madison’s fetish portraits displayed proudly on the wall. Then, Madison announces that she planned a few activities.
The first activity is watering the plants. Nice, right? Well, Madison was watering the plants with menstrual water, caught midstream for her that day because she’s on her period. She goes on to describe to the two year olds that “uterine lining” is great for plants as the other mortified mother looks on.
Next up was the uterus coloring page while Madison explained the functions to the kids. It was then that the other mom had enough, gave a brief lecture and left with her child. (Personally, I would’ve been gone at the UTERINE LINING PLANT WATERING.)
The episode ends with Madison having a fetish performance that she insists her two year old should attend. For this performance, she was naked and had baseball mitts tied to her. And then, the attendees were supposed to throw baseballs at Madison and her body. While her two year old watches.
As they started to bind up Madison and put baseball mitts on her, the kid freaking LOST IT and could not be consoled. (Imagine that.) And, of course, Madison the fetish pornographer mom was completely perplexed why her daughter would be upset. I mean, she’s been so sexually open with her? How could the two year old not understand?
All I could think while watching this was, “Um, this might be a problem with CPS.”
Have you been watching this show? Did you see the fetish mom episode? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Fetish Costume in image available at Amazon.com.