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5 Items Of Clothing That Dads Should Get Rid Of (Before Mom Does)

It’s almost an unwritten law that having a child forces you to grow-up. One area where this is almost unavoidable for men is clothing. You don’t see a lot of mothers chasing their children around in low riders and stiletto heels. Men, however, cling to their pre-baby wardrobes tenaciously, as if not running to the store in sweatpants and a stained Coors Light T-shirt instantly makes them an old geezer.

Guys, no one is saying that you have to wear three piece suits all day everyday, but there’s some stuff you should throw out before your significant other has to do it for you.

5 Items Men Should Toss Right Now

Buy the I Like Pig Butts and I Cannot Lie tee from Amazon (affiliate)1. Old Underwear

Look guys, here’s the deal: men’s underwear should have four holes, one at the top, two for your legs and one for…well you get the idea. If your underwear has more than four holes it’s time to toss them. If your underwear is any color other than the one they were when you bought them-GET SOME NEW ONES. I don’t care how comfortable that ratty pair of boxers you bought five years ago is, get rid of them.

Your wife will thank you.

2. Novelty Shirts

Remember that T-shirt with the farmer on it standing next to a giant rooster? The one that says “I have a big c*ck” on it? Your college buddies thought that shirt was hilarious. Your child’s teacher? Not so much.

Likewise anything Co-Ed Naked or Big Johnson. A good rule of thumb is if it makes you titter like a schoolgirl (like you probably just did at the word “titter), it’s probably not appropriate dad wear for you today.

3. The Thing With 1,000 Holes

Every guy has that favorite shirt that they’ve had for so long that one more wash would turn it into a pile of thread. It could be a shirt with so many holes that you may as well walk around the house topless. Mine was an old Star Wars T-shirt, but yours might be a sports team or your favorite rock band. Whatever is on the shirt (or other favorite holey thing), whether it’s your “Lucky shirt” or just something comfy as all get out, if it’s so porous that it wouldn’t even make a good rag, it needs to go.

4. The “I’m saving it until I lose weight!” Item

Look it’s great to have a goal, especially when attempting to lose weight. However, holding onto those jeans you wore senior year because you might lose enough weight to get back into them? Never gonna happen, dude. (Not to mention, acid wash is out.) By the time you get back into the same shape you were in high school, your grandkids will be running around in those very same Levis laughing at how Granddad called their pants “dungarees.”

Bottom line: if you’re over thirty you’re not squeezing into anything purchased in the 20th century. Speaking of which…

5. Any Fashion That’s Never Coming Back

Parachute pants, acid wash jeans, polyester leisure suits–they are all as dead as disco.
That old Members Only jacket doesn’t even work “ironically” anymore. Your best bet is to throw all your fad clothing away, unless you want to risk your kids finding your old Hypercolor T-shirts and teasing you mercilessly. (You’re welcome.)

Time to Shop for New Dad Clothes, So Do It Now!

Pig Butts Image and Tshirt from Amazon:

I'm a stay at home dad with three wonderful boys ages 13,11, and 8 months old. I like to cast aside the rose colored glasses and view parenthood unfiltered. It can be ugly, but always worth it.


  1. Crystal

    October 2, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    This is why I sneak clothing into the trash when my husband isn’t home. Your waist is never going to be that small again, honey. Live in the now.

  2. Christin

    September 30, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    My husband is a saver. We have a BOX of his old “vintage” t-shirts…yes, seriously. We just pulled it out a couple of weeks ago and my 16 y/o daughter snagged a couple of them for herself. One of them was a Journey concert shirt! The most disturbing thing about this peak into the past and stroll down memory lane, was the realization that my husband used to be the exact same size as my super skinny daughter! I think they both died. LOL

  3. Jacqueline Wilson

    September 29, 2014 at 9:23 am

    HAHA! I’m actually guilty of the holey one. I cleaned out my closet last week and almost had to pry a tshirt from COLLEGE out of my own hands for the trash. It had 10,000 holes and I was like, BUT BUT BUT COLLEGE! LOL

    Also, I was just at the beach and took pics of some of those novelty tees of which you speak. EGADS.

    Great post!

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