One time I dressed up as a bunny and waited in the bed for my husband to get home. (TMI? Anyway…) Not a full suited bunny thing (a la people that are into Furries). You know, the sexy suit a la Playboy bunny.
Back then, I had the body for it, so putting on a body suit, attaching a puffy white bunny tail and donning some bunny ears seemed to be hot. At least in my mind. I positioned myself in the middle of the bed, on my knees, with my hands all sassy and confident on my hips so my husband could get the full effect when he walked into the bedroom. I felt sexy. And fun. I knew he was going to love it.
The minute that my husband walked into the room and registered the scene, the truth was written all over his face. He was mortified. He was embarrassed. He was … uncomfortable. And, there’s nothing like one person feeling super sexy about what they’re wearing while the other person is completely uncomfortable to ruin the mood. I think we actually ended up watching the movie that night (minus the bunny ears and puffy tail). So, this whole thing got me thinking: if my husband was uncomfortable with a bunny suit, what would he have done if I had chosen one of these for Halloween night or any other time?
OK, I always find it weird when I see descriptions like “Sexy Nun!” or “Sexy Angel!” for Halloween costumes. I mean, HELLOOOOO PEOPLE, we’re talking GOD here. Depending on their upbringing, you might creep your partner out more than entice them. The last thing you want when you’re trying to get busy is your partner praying to you. Ick.
If your “sexy” costume seems complicated on first glance, it’s not going to put your partner in the mood.
Look, I’m tired. I don’t want to spend 45 minutes looking for the goods under a bunch of armor, straps or buckles that I can’t figure out. So, keep it simple, OK? (Or, we’ll give up. Trust us.)
Did you see the Sex and the City movie? One of the most sexual characters, Samantha, lays on the table naked and covers herself with sushi.
It didn’t seem sexy to me because I just kept thinking about hairs in food in stuff.
Anyway, just because a costume has “sexy” in the title, doesn’t mean it is. (I’m lookin’ at you “Sexy Corn.”)
So, no matter how much your partner likes pizza, a pizza custom in the bedroom just ain’t gonna cut it. (Even if you can insert your own gross joke here.) Stay away from anything edible. It’ll just make you hungry (and not in the good way).
If you spend the day watching Hello Kitty with your kids, chances are you and your partner aren’t going to find Hello Kitty super sexy. So, trash all the kids’ characters and pick something else.
Also, be careful with the Britney Spears school girl kind of outfits. While it might seem cute and sexy, those might creep your partner out, too.
Look, I don’t care what you’re into in the privacy of your own bedroom. (I really don’t.) But, let me give you a little piece of advice: if you’re going to bust out the bondage costumes you better be sure that your honey is into it. Because, I have to tell you, if my husband came into the bedroom wearing a bondage mask I would freak the hell out.
Also, it’s not going to be fun for either of you if you burst through the door in a costume that plays on the other person’s fears.
OK, did you read my story that started out the post? Yeah, I’m over the animal costume thing … and your partner might be too. Better test out those waters in a casual conversation before you find yourself perching on the bed in a bunny tail. Ahem.
Clowns are a total polarizing topic. If you don’t believe me, go on social media right now and ask if people like clowns. It seems like people either love them or hate them. The people who love them are the ones who think of happy childhood memories. The ones who hate them have horrible nightmares about them. Best to stay away from those costumes altogether.
Do you have a funny, scary or embarrassing costume story? Share it with me in the comments! (Come on, don’t leave
my bunny tail me hangin’ here!)
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