I asked to write this guest post after my friend–and I really do mean my girlfriend, not “a friend” like some people say when they really mean themselves–found Ashley Madison searches on their family computer and PrimeParentsClub.com came up as one of the sites visited.
I listened to my devastated best friend come to terms that her husband of almost 11 years may be having an affair.
Cheating. Adulterous. Unfaithful. Two-timer. No matter how you label it, it came down to one thing: he’s sleeping with someone else.
Later that evening, as I thought about the things she had said to me (“Sure the sex was nonexistent right now, but they were in a rut.” or “I’ve been so busy with work.” or “I can’t even get him to look at me, let alone listen to me!”) I started to get angry.
I mean, why are women always hearing things like “Well, she just stopped paying attention to her husband. What was he supposed to do?” and other bullshit like that? What he’s supposed to do is keep it in his pants, that’s what.
If you’re a man reading this and you stumbled to this site because of searching for Ashley Madison, or if your thinking of starting an affair (or dick-deep in one), think about these things.
So what that she doesn’t look like she did when you got married, neither do you. And, guess what else, buddy? She probably popped out a few kids for you and her body has changed. (She’s not thrilled about it, either. I guarantee that.) Instead of expecting her to be like your new young interest, why don’t you put that energy into seeing how beautiful your wife is NOW?
When was the last time you offered to clean or cook or carpool? If she had less on her plate, she would have more time for herself. And, more time for herself ultimately means more time for you.
We get it, we’re bored with your stories, too. But, even if you’re tired, or bored, or whatever, why don’t you try giving your wife some uninterrupted listening time without interrupting or injecting advice?
Stop blaming everything on her and start doing some things yourself. Clean up. Take her out. Schedule a couple’s massage or therapy session. If you’re feeling like you’re not getting enough attention, then try giving her attention first.
Starting “new” with someone else who is making you feel sexy or wanted or needed again may seem like a good idea, but you helped create the place where you are with your with wife. Now, be a real man and deal with it . . . without looking somewhere else.
(And don’t think that just because you’re not having sex it isn’t an affair.)