A few nights ago I was working at night and had the television on in the background where they were showing a string of 80s brat-pack movies. If you’re a prime parent, then you grew up in the age of John Hughes movies, complete with Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy, Matthew Broderick and more. While The Breakfast Club was on, I had a lightbulb moment: All parenting issues and questions can be answered with Breakfast Club movie quotes. Check it out. (You can thank me later.)
How to Parent Using Breakfast Club Movie Quotes
Your Kid: “Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?”
You: “You ask me one more question and I’m beating the shit out of you.”
Your Kid: “Can we got to the toy store this weekend?”
You: “Well I’m free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I’m going to have to check my calendar.”
Your Kid: “Why do you have to be so mean to me?”
You: “I’m being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.”
Your Kid: “Mom, why are you in my business all the time?”
You: “Okay, fine, but I didn’t dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems.”
Your Kid: “I can’t believe you made me wash all that make-up off.”
You: “You know, you look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes.”
Your Kid: “It’s none of your business who I’m dating.”
You: “So… so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?”
Your Kid: “Why can’t I do that?”
You: “If I lose my temper you’re totaled, man.”
Your Kid: “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?’
You: “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?”
Your Kid: “I don’t want to go to my room!”
You: “Good. You might learn a thing or two about yourself. You might even decide whether or not you’d care to return.”
Your Kid: “Why can’t I smoke?”
You: “Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat’s what it is.”
Your Kid: “Why can’t you be like the other parents?”
You: “I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need, is a lobotomy and some tights.”
Your Kid: “Why can’t I go to that party?”
You: “Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.”
Your Kid: “I don’t need to clean my room. I’m just going to shove it all over in the corner.”
You: “That’s very clever, sir. But what if there’s a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
And one last one for the friends…
Your Friend without Kids: “At least you have kids.”
You: “Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.”
