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How to Get Your Sex Drive Back

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Sex After Baby

So, you have had a baby. For many women, this means that the sheer thought of sex or intimacy gives them the creeps. Even if you had an active and pleasurable sex life before pregnancy and childbirth, many things change afterwards.

Many men change their views on sexuality once they actually see a baby born, and this is normal.

Your hormones are wacky (to say the least), your body has changed, you might be breastfeeding, and chances are you are also very, very tired much of the time. Not to mention the fact that many women become mothers and suddenly feel awkward dressing up in their French Maid costumes, just to spice things up in the bedroom. The transition to motherhood definitely can take a toll on your sex drive and sex life. Unfortunately, many men don’t understand this – but there are things you can do to rev up your sex drive again.

First, give yourself a little time. If you are recovering from childbirth, you may not be up for sex just yet. Talk to your doctor and make sure to wait the recommended length of time.

Secondly, realize that many men change their views on sexuality once they actually see a baby born, and this is normal. Try to talk about the experience together. A few jokes here and there can definitely lighten the mood and erase some of the graphics. Realize that if you are breastfeeding, hormonal changes naturally reduce your sex drive. You may find that once you stop breastfeeding and regain a normal menstrual cycle, your sex drive will return to normal too.

What many people fail to realize is that resentment and anger can be huge factors for a reduced sex drive. If you are taking care of the baby most of the time, staying home on maternity leave (or you became a stay-at-home mom), and you feel that your partner is not stepping up to the plate, so to speak, you are going to feel resentful. This resentment will spill into the relationship and not make you feel like having sex at all.

The REAL Reasons Your Partner’s Sexual Desires Changed

A woman’s sex drive naturally shifts gears after childbirth, greatly affecting the patterns and levels of intimacy experienced between partners. This unexpected change in sexual desire can often cause stress and tension for the husbands and partners who are left wondering, “What happened?”

At least, that’s what was generally assumed by most new moms – but not anymore. A new study, published August 1st in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, suggests that having a child doesn’t just affect the new mom’s cravings for the sex, but her partner’s too!

More than 80% of couples engage in sexual intercourse within the first three months after childbirth.

“The results show that men (heterosexual partners) and women (same-sex- partners) who are in committed relationships with the women who give birth experience highs and lows in sexual desire upon the arrival of the new baby,” according to this article.

“Often times, these changes in sexual desire are linked to social factors, or factors related to raising a child, rather than physical changes from the birth itself.”

This means that breastfeeding and vaginal bleeding are NOT the reasons your partner seems to lack some sexual desire for you post-childbirth.

According to study researcher and Assistant Professor of Psychology and Women’s Studies Sari van Anders,

“People typically presume that hormonal changes or, more controversially, ‘messy vaginas’ … explain birth mothers’ lack of sexuality, and that co-parents can’t wait to be sexual.”

But breastfeeding and vaginal bleeding (possible excuses for a lack in sexual desire) are actually ranked a lot lower on the study’s list than you might think!

The top common reasons that most partners gave for their “low sexual desire in the post-partum period were: fatigue, stress, too little time and baby’s sleeping habits.”

This study involved 114 partners (mostly men, but also a few women). The questions, which focused on the first three months following the birth of their child, asked them about their levels of sexual desire and the sexual activities they were willing and unwilling to participate in with the new mothers.

Also, one-third of the participants admitted to sexual intercourse and oral sex within the first six weeks, even though it is recommended to wait until after six weeks have past!

What do you think? Did you and your partner wait the recommended six weeks post-childbirth to engage in sexual activities? Are you and your partner currently struggling with post-childbirth sexual intimacy?

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