10 Reasons Dogs are Better than Kids

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I like dogs more than people. THERE, I SAID IT. I like dogs more than most people, anyways. I don’t care who knows it. The more people I meet, the older I get, the more I like my dogs. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m married and have two kids, I’m fairly certain I’d be the crazy dog lady.

I take pictures of them, more than my kids, even. See, my dogs don’t MOVE when I try to take their pictures and they never stick their tongue out. Mostly because their tongues are already hanging out. But I digress. I spend most of my time with my dogs. Most people just don’t get my obsession. It’s probably a good thing I never went through with my plans for vet school, I’m fairly certain I’d be living with tens of dogs. My cousin went through with her plans and now she’s got a few animals at home.Ahem.But I understand her. I get her. I totally know her line of thinking. Why do I like them more than most people?

Let me count the ways:

1. Dogs never talk back to you

Kids do. So does your husband.

2. Dogs always think you look good, no matter what you wear

They never think you look fat in anything and never notice when you gain weight. Unlike SOME people.

3. Dogs are great listeners

They look RIGHT AT YOU with a look of concern when you tell them about your rotten day and the guy that cut you off and the rude lady and SQUIRREL! Oh yeah, right, go on. Rotten day, etc, etc…SQUIRREL! Sorry, where were you again! I’m paying attention, promise…Then they lick your face to make it all better and sometimes their tongues in your nose or mouth and EWWWW and…right. Benefits of dogs. Hold on. I’m thinking…

4. Dogs have unconditional love for you

Just put down a few bowls of food a day and they’ll be all, “OH MY GAH MY BOWL IS FULL OF DIAMONDS!!! SWEEEET” It’s grand.

5. Dogs keep your feet warm in the winter

Depending on their size, they also make good footrests. AND! Some of them make good pillows or arms rests, too. Except for the part that when they breathe and your arm goes up and down while you’re typing on the laptop and stuff. That kind of annoying. But! Armrest!

6. Dogs are fun

They give you something to do and will not ever allow you to be depressed or bored. The evidence I have to support this is BORDER COLLIE. If I dare to sit, a ball or frisbee is immediately brought to my attention. If I try to crawl into bed a fuzzy butt nudges me until I pet them. How could you be sad with that going on? YOU CAN’T.

7. Dogs are always happy to see you

You can leave dogs home alone. You can’t do this with your kids. You can also put dogs in crates or cages or out in the yard when they misbehave. Again, you probably shouldn’t do this with your kids. Just sayin’. Unless, of course, your kid likes to be in dog cages like mine.

8. Dogs need exercise

Lots of it. You get exercise by default. DUH! WINNING!

9. You can leave your house for five minutes to run an errand

…and come back and your dog is all like, “YOU’RE BAAACK! I MISSED YOU! HI! HI! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!” When you leave your house and you come back to your kids or husband, they’re all, “Oh, you left? I hadn’t noticed.” See? Much better for your ego.

10. You can train your dogs

You can train them to clean up after themselves, even. You can train them to say, NOT LEAVE THEIR SHOES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR or PUT THEIR DISHES IN THE SINK or PUT THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER, DANG IT. Not that I’m bitter or anything. I’m just putting it out there, mmkay? Got it? GOOD.

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