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Feeling Alone during Pregnancy: Why and What to Do About Loneliness

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Pregnancy is supposed to be this wonderful period when a woman grows gradually into motherhood, surrounded by similarly pregnant friends and wise old relatives who have been there, done that. For the luckiest pregnant women, that camaraderie is exactly what pregnancy – not to mention birth and parenting – is all about. For the rest of us, pregnancy and everything that follows can actually be kind of lonely.

If you’re pregnant and lonely, you should know that loneliness during pregnancy is actually not unusual. The first woman in a group of friends to procreate may find herself not only unable to share what she’s going through with her besties but also an object suddenly worthy of study. A soon-to-be mama with mostly guy friends can feel this even more acutely. And even if a woman has pregnant friends, her pregnancy may be so different from theirs that she feels effectively isolated. After all, even a normal nine months can be stressful! It can be really hard to meet moms (to be) who are facing the same issues.

During pregnancy, you feel a sort of separateness already because your body is changing in ways that even the people closest to you can’t fully understand. If you’ve chosen to keep your pregnancy under wraps until some specific point in time, that can add to feelings of loneliness. And when your pregnancy is particularly rough physically or emotionally, feelings of loneliness may even be related to friends growing more distant. Plus, even the most supportive spouses and partners can have trouble empathizing with all of the things a pregnant woman will go through in the months before birth.

So how can you combat loneliness during pregnancy? The first step is to find a community of people who will understand, insofar as they can, what you’re going through as you gestate that baby. That means you need to meet moms! You might have to build up your own community from scratch, and that might be easier online than offline if you don’t have any pregnancy support groups in your area. The second step is to be honest about how you’re feeling – especially with your spouse or partner and your family. They may not even realize that you’re feeling lonely, and telling them gives them a chance to step up and help. The third step is to watch for signs of depression – while not everyone who is lonely is depressed, loneliness can be a sign of depression in pregnancy.

Reader Insights & Comments

Yes, I do feel lonely because my spouse travels and he calls with chances, he always has different excuses of not being able to call, even though I make it easy for us to sometimes communicate he disown me the effort I put in this relationship, could he be bored or cheating?

Same for me, my bf just broke up with me I’m 7 months pregnant and I feel extremely lonely, my family is far away, I cry a lot because I can’t get over my ex and I feel guilty and sorry for not being able to give my baby a healthy pregnancy and a good dad( my ex told me to leave he is not going to be able to take care of a baby). I understand you, this situation is really hard and even worst if you don’t have people to support you. I’m thinking to join some church or community so I can make some friends and keep going with my life. My baby is the only reason that keeps me alive. I recommend the same thing to you. Good luck.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with your feelings. I am feeling exactly the same. I have a little girl that’s 2 and she is what keeps me going. I am really excited about my new baby coming I just feel very lonely and unloved. I really don’t think id be missed if I wasn’t here.

I have two kids. My last pregnancy in July ended in miscarriage at 16wks. I’m still struggling with depression from that and I’m now 7wa along and feel bad bc I can be happy. My boyfriend is isnt happy in our relationship. I know its all me he isn’t happy with. I break my back to care for us all and it’s never good enough. I don’t get any love and affection from him. I feel alone and he is here every day. Tonight he said he is not happy and I could see caring for two kids alone but I feel horrible knowing I’m bringing an innocent child into something like this. It’s all my fault and maybe I shouldn’t have wanted another. No one will want and care for a girl with three kids. I can’t be 100% for them when I’m depressed. I thought about counseling for my depression but not sure how that will help. I wish things could turn around for all of us but I feel like the worst an ugliest person ever right now.

pregnant and feeling down

Those are some really dark feelings you are having. Having a baby no matter how ready and wanted it becomes a crisis for any family… Everything changes and life is never the same; It can be such a wonderful and joyous occasion. If you have feelings such as you described above you should seek some advice from a medical professional. They will be able to help you sort out those feelings and you can make sure you are in the best frame of mind possible to raise your new bundle of joy. Please don’t ignore your feelings, seek some advice, and take good care of yourself.

I Just Entered My Second Trimester And I Am Feeling Extremely Lonely And Down, Particularly Today. I Am Not Sure How Much Of My Feelings Are Due To Hormones And How Much Of Them Are Due To My Less-Than-Ideal Situation. Ugh. I Don’t Know How To Come Out Of This, I Figure Maybe It Just Needs To Run Its Course.

I have a supportive family, but, my soon to be husband makes it hard for me to feel as excited as I really am. We’re both young, and this was a surprise pregnancy. Anything I am excited for or smiling about my pregnancy kinda gets shut down by his lack of attention he has towards it…makes me feel like he wants nothing to do with it. It could be me overreacting, but by my feelings being shut down and him not being equally excited makes me depressed. On top of that, I have no true girlfriend to go to, so its hard to stay excited. It sucks, so depressing. I don’t know how to feel up.

I’m pregnant with my second child but this is my 3rd pregnancy. I’m not really sure how my boyfriend feels and I too don’t really have any friends to go too. I feel like we have a lot in common. My family is supportive (my mom and boyfriend r the only ones who know). But I’m feeling really sad and not sure what to do my boyfriend is not affectionate anyways and shows no interest. He also says I act this way because the world says u are supposed to. We have a 6-year-old son and he’s a good dad. We are not married and I have pretty much given up hope with that :(. I want this baby but I’m not sure at all what our future holds, especially not with expecting a child. Anyone out there willing to lend an ear I’ll be happy to lend one back n be forever grateful.

pregnant and feeling low

I just wanted to see if things got better for you? I’m 30 weeks on Monday and my partner still isn’t interested in the baby we don’t talk about anything he lives here sleeps and works at night. he hasn’t told him family or friends about me or the baby.

We already have lots of issues getting along and he says I’m childish and insecure…. I was happy about being pregnant and know it’s pretty normal to feel happy or sad for no reason but I have a hard time seeing the good in anything and I suppose I do need extra attention. Just don’t get it. My boyfriend stays glued to his Xbox and TV. My first doctor’s appointment is in the morning. He just told me he’s not going because I was bothering him and he became annoyed. My parents r awesome and always there but I don’t want to stress them out they do so much already and worry about us I just feel like an outside opinion would do my crazy head some good  I’m really nervous about this doctor appointment

I have the same feelings of sadness. My boyfriend and I have only been dating 6 months before I found out about my unexpected pregnancy. Since I became pregnant he does not understand or care to understand my feelings. He tells me what I feel is not normal which makes me feel worse. He makes me hate myself and it seems I’m just trapped in this crappy life and nothing will make me happy.

I’m 24 years old and 5 weeks pregnant with my third baby. Falling pregnant was a total surprise I’ve only been with my partner for 7 weeks. I feel wrong sometimes when I’m talking about the baby with him like I can’t be happy about it. I feel so alone with everything, I don’t know what to do.

feeling down when pregnant

I am feeling the exact same way as a lot of you ladies. I’m 12 weeks pregnant and just feeling so lonely. I thought it was a hormonal issue because I too questioned my existence to the point of thinking about death but realize that I do have someone else depending on me now. I tried to talk to my partner about this but I felt even more upset because I felt like he wasn’t being supportive or understanding. Also feeling the same way about my family. My only joy is knowing that at the end of it all I am going to have a baby who is going to love me unconditionally.

I feel alone and am starting to hate my life, I feel pointless and have started to resent my pregnancy when I should be excited and happy. My boyfriend can’t even talk to me ever and when I try talking to him about my feelings or the baby he either ignores me or gets upset. He’s never mad at his friends, hangs out at the bar, ignores me, started smoking pot again, drinks to the point he doesn’t even raise his head by the time I’m off work and home. He has improved on the drinking but smoking pot and never wanting to talk about anything especially the baby hurts me. I spend my days crying or angry or trying to preoccupy myself with work. I don’t know what to do anymore.

pregnant and cant stop crying

I definitely agree that not having your partner to talk to about goals and future plans is heartbreaking. My man refused to answer simple questions and would quickly lose his temper at my provocations. This makes you think he wants nothing for the future, mix this with lack of physical attention and it basically makes you feel absolutely single in such a time of need.

I was diagnosed with an STD early on in my pregnancy which stopped any physical relations between us. Now we are no longer together and I am so lonely constantly craving hugs and cuddles there is just no one right now that could give the physical support that he is capable of – but just because he can don’t mean he will. I feel like for the sake of my daughter I just have to suck up the emotional crushing of my heart and carry forward. Helps to have my kitten around – although he doesn’t have any balls he is the only male attention I have now :’) A little positivity goes a long way.

pregnant and lonely

He left me the time I told him I was pregnant. I am trying to be strong and pray that one day I will get over him and raise my daughter properly. I hope I don’t take out my anger on my baby. I feel so alone. My mother is there but it’s not the same. I have been feeling guilty that maybe I wasn’t a good partner none of what is happening is my fault. Take care of yourself ladies things will fall into place.

I am 9 weeks pregnant. I was dating what seemed like a really good and whole-hearted honest man for 2 months when I got pregnant. When I told him he accused me of doing this on purpose and asked why am I doing this to him. He told me directly he will “walk away” if I decide to have this baby. Then he said he would be 100% supportive if I have an abortion and we will be together afterward. I know he is lying and will say anything for me to abort this baby so it doesn’t ruin his master plan, as he says he is “done with kids.” I feel very alone. I have close family and friend support, but I really lack that protective natural factor of a supportive male partner. I feel sad when I know my child will be without a father.

I have really struggled with my pregnancy. The day I found out I was pregnant my fiancé reacted badly and didn’t want me to keep it or be with me. I wasn’t happy in the relationship but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I felt I needed to be with him and that I could forgive all the wrong he has done. I am now 36 weeks and he does not want to be with me or baby. I am normally very independent but now all I can think about is finding a man to be a father to my boy. I feel so lonely and scared.

I’m so sorry my dear, I’m 31 weeks pregnant I remember the day I told my fiancé about being pregnant he looked so stressed. So the way he looked like it did get a picture that I’m going to go through this alone. He’s a divorced man with 3 children & still staying the same roof with my ex, he doesn’t sleep @ my house if it happens for him to sleep over he will stand up @ 2h in the morning if I ask why he will tell me that his respecting his kids. I’m telling you is so hard my back is sore no one to rub me some time I will be dizzy & just pray to God to help me not to fall. It hurts but my dear hang in there.

 I feel alone in my pregnancy

I too feel depressed & lonely. My partner doesn’t understand at all. He thinks I’m dramatic & selfish. Whenever I’m sad & upset he tells me to get over it & that he’s not a mind reader so doesn’t know what I want to do. Every Friday after work he drinks with his friends & I just feel so lonely like he doesn’t want to spend time with me. We have an 8-year-old as well & I just feel like he doesn’t want to spend his Friday nights with us. I can’t stop crying & feel so helpless like I just want to give it all up. It’s so hard as I try & be strong for my son & unborn child.

I feel extremely lonely, I have crying spells all the time, and often panic attacks. I’m very vulnerable right now because I have had to come off my psychiatric meds, and can only see my therapist a couple of times a month. I’ve tried repeatedly to reach out to my family and friends, but no one ever seems to have time even just to shoot me a text to ask how I and my baby are doing. Even yesterday, I was having some issues with my pregnancy and told my bf that I was worried and might go to triage if I didn’t see improvement, but he left to go hang out with his friends for 5 hours and never even noticed the text I had sent him while he was out until he got home and immediately crashed. I’m a first-time, unplanned mom and completely overwhelmed. I don’t know how else to ask for help anymore.

I am 14 weeks pregnant and feel like my friends have to busy lives to fit me in. This is baby number 3 I have to older boys one whos severely autistic he doesn’t understand i am pregnant and at times he can be very challenging would love to meet someone that’s got a child with autism and went on to have more but just don’t know anyone. I feel quite lonely at times but put it down to being pregnant.

I just found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks ago, and this will be my first baby. I’m 6weeks but will be 7 weeks pregnant tomorrow. However, I absolutely hate it. My bf sucks, he really isn’t there like he should be for me. I feel lonely, depressed, and angry. This was a surprise pregnancy and he didn’t even want the baby. And honestly, I’m feeling like I don’t want it either but I just can’t let go of something that was giving to me. I’m just really confused and don’t know what to do. I really hate my bf right now and I really don’t even want to talk to him anymore until he starts being more like a man I thought he was and own up to his responsibilities and want to make the best out of it.

38 weeks pregnant and fed up

I’m 38 weeks with my first child. My bf told me to get an abortion. At first, I was ok with it. But in my heart, I couldn’t kill my first baby. And I love my unborn child very much. I dump him because he only cared about himself and his money. I never cared for material things like that so it was easy for me to leave. And I have a large supportive family that loves me and my unborn. So to you women, who are in a similar situation, the stress isn’t worth it. Stress not only harms you, it harms your baby too. Depression is worse and can lead to miscarriage. Contact friends, or a close relative you can talk to. Have a girls day out. Go talk to you’re church pastor/elder/priest for spiritual guidance. Anything to lift you up and out of loneliness. I went out with my friend all day, helped cook lunch, and went to the park walking her little dogs while talking. Not only was it nice to interact with my friend, I needed the fresh air and change of scenery. Do things that make you happy and remove things that make you feel sad and lonely. And if you’re single, don’t worry about that. There are plenty of men who aren’t able to have or don’t mind that you have child(ren) that would most definitely love you and you’re a child. Take care, and be blessed.

I feel so alone too. I’m 32 yrs old and 9 weeks tomorrow with my first baby. I am excited and grateful and I know this baby is going to change my entire life for the better. I just wish so much that my (ex)boyfriend was more supportive. We were broken up for about a month when I found out I was pregnant. But before I even told him I was pregnant he had told me that he didn’t want anyone else, that I’m all he’s ever wanted .. but we just can’t seem to work it out. Later that day I told him I was pregnant and he was gentle and supportive right away, telling me that he would support me, and later telling me that he was excited. We spent some time together at his place over the next few weeks, but the passion and affection that I wanted to be weren’t there. It wasn’t that big of a deal at that time, but over the last few weeks, I feel like he’s getting more and more distant. I haven’t seen him in almost 2 weeks .. I told him numerous times that i wish we saw each other more, that I’m carrying his baby and feel much better when I’m around him. he keeps telling me he needs time to figure things out .. when I ask him what he just says his life was going in a different direction before. I told him if he doesn’t want to be with me to just tell me and he can still be a good dad and we can figure out how to make it work … he tells me he does want to be with me but he just needs time. I’m so confused bc he seemed more supportive and open when I first told him then he does now. I told him tonight (over text .. that’s how we mostly communicate… we don’t even TALK on the phone that often … it’s so annoying) but I told him tonight that i hope he comes around soon because i need him. He said “I will. I told you that” but how the f#%* am I supposed to believe and trust that when he doesn’t even check-in to see how I’m feeling or how things are going. He’s 36 and I’m 32 so we’re grown, adults. He’s been busy looking to buy a house, but it blows my mind how he thinks we can just move into a house together and be a happy lil family when he is not here for me now! we lived together for 4 months and he kicked me out which is why we broke up before I found out I was pregnant. I feel like I’m going through this alone but every time I tell him that he says “I’m here for you” but does nothing to be there for me except stupid f#%$ing text messages. And he keeps saying he needs time .. how much time???!!!!! I’m so scared that I’m going to resent him for all of this or that i’ll be unhappy with him when and if he ever does come around. So sad and tired of feeling alone…. I feel for all you ladies and I send you my love. We are strong beautiful women, but we do need (and DESERVE) love and support. I hope we help each other find it!!! Much Love <3

crying for no reason pregnant

I thought I was the only one… The thing that sucks the most is that I’m 19 and pregnant. My family is supportive and so is my boyfriend and his but he lives 3 hours away and now is when I need him the most. We try and talk over the phone and Skype but it’s not enough. There’s no one here that understands how alone I feel. I cry a lot and just wish things would be different.

I am almost thirteen weeks and this entire pregnancy so far I have been on the back burner. My fiance’s life has always mostly revolved around his son from a previous marriage and I was ok with that but he won’t even go to appts with me on his days off. He would rather instead go spend the day with his mommy and his son if he has him. I have yet to be able to talk to him about the pregnancy because it is just in one ear and out the other and on to whatever he wants to talk about. I try and tell him how I am feeling and he tells me that I am not his only priority and that it is hard enough finding time for his son in between work schedule and that any spare time he has will be spent with his family… Am I not family? I thought this was supposed to be the most exciting and happy thing in my life but instead, I am crying every day and thinking terrible thoughts…

feeling neglected by husband after baby

What the hell is wrong with all these “men?” I am so angry reading through these posts! This is the most challenging thing any woman can go through first time or not the father should be falling over you making sure you’re ok not neglecting your needs and being selfish. I had to come off Effexor and up until a couple of weeks ago I was having a horrible time working two jobs, going through the withdrawals and constantly crying but I’m through the worst of it now and so glad I did it. My partner was stressed at first about the pregnancy as was I, but he just said he needed to cop on and stop feeling sorry for himself which is exactly what he did. Everything you are feeling is normal your body and mind are going through huge upheaval you are not being a drama queen or a baby or unreasonable to want your guy to show you some damn respect. If he has left you then good riddance and if he’s putting you down or being neglectful then you need to be strong and tell him that you won’t accept being treated like that and if he doesn’t get his act together then he knows where the door is you or your baby don’t need that crap and stress in your life give him the cold shoulder and he’ll soon open his eyes. Be strong and brave and stand up for yourself and your baby. And love yourself more than you love him xxxxxx

Also to anyone who feels that they wouldn’t be missed if they were gone or that they’re better off dead please get help from your doctor or midwife or anybody who can help you. Many people experience depression during pregnancy (including myself) but it will get better if you reach out and get help. Your hormones are going crazy you can be happy and excited one minute then lonely, depressed, guilty, or feeling any kind of strong negative emotions the next minute most of this is normal!!! But if you feel that your mood is impacting your life severely in a negative way just talk to someone ask your doctor or anyone who can help. your well being is the most important thing right now and you deserve to feel happy and healthy don’t worry about work or what others will think etc just do what you need to do to get better xxx

I feel the same way I am almost 8 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. I feel so lonely and empty, I lost a lot of weight and have kept it off for a while but now I am starting to gain a lot already even though I am trying to stay eating healthy. My boyfriend doesn’t understand and is pretty selfish, I don’t have anyone to talk to and when I try to talk to my boyfriend he doesn’t want to hear it, I wish I knew what to do.

I had just finished my college last year and shifted to this village in the west of Africa where you have access to anything only after a three-hour drive on the worst kind of road or rather puddles n potholes. And now being in my second-trimester things just got worse as I have no work here and my husband is on a business trip in another far off village. My birthday is next week, I have no family or friends or anyone around. I feel pathetic living like this. I can’t sleep either. All I do is cry myself to mornings. I’m fed up.

I am 29 weeks pregnant. I feel so alone..want scream..cry ..sometimes can’t decide what I want to do? I am in Australia and my husband in India. He has a problem with his visa and can’t come back till he will not get another visa. I am alone on the first day of my pregnancy. I was staying with my friends but they moved to another place last month. I don’t know what to do?

I too am feeling super lonely recently. I am 20 years old and on my 16th week of pregnancy. My boyfriend works far out of town 3 weeks out of each month because there are way better money opportunities up there. He works 14 hour days to be able to support me and the baby. I am going through so many emotions and am feeling very vulnerable, but I feel like I don’t want to be a burden by venting to him. I also feel that when I do vent to him, he doesn’t understand and thinks I am just being stupid. I don’t have very many friends and am just feeling alone in my pregnancy. I spend a lot of my days crying and worrying about what the future will hold. I am hoping that when he gets home these feelings will go away.

 

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